Money and guilt and how to not feel like crap about your situation

Let's talk about money and guilt. I'm talking to those of you who are struggling with guilt and frustration when it comes to your finances because -- been there, done that..

I've talked about this before. Frugal living is not a competition. But I feel like I need to say it again (for those of you in the back who might not have heard me and are struggling with a competitive sense of guilt).

Frugal living is not a competition.

It is not a competition to see who can save the most money, or get out of debt the fastest, or have the biggest emergency fund, or any of that. Because we're not all playing from the same deck. Life is not even. We don't all have the same income and jobs and we're not all working the same hours. Our lives are different.

 It's really easy to look at what someone else is doing and get down on yourself and feel like crap. That is a waste of your time, so stop doing that. But how?

 I recently got a DM from a lady who felt like she wasn't doing enough to save her family money, like she could be doing more. She could be saving more on groceries and she could be doing so many more things to save money. But she was just completely burned out.

That spoke to me on a very spiritual level because I've had budget burnout before. There comes a point when you're so frustrated because you feel like you're not getting ahead and you see what other people are doing, if you're following too many accounts. It just becomes a race that you cannot win.

Stop following people who make you feel bad

If the people you're following for inspiration suddenly start to make you feel uninspired or jealous or burned out, stop following them. And if it's me, I want to tell you I'm sorry if I've made you feel that way, and if you need to unfollow me, I completely understand. You don't have to tell me, but I completely understand. You need to do what you need to do to feel better about yourself. Know that the decisions you're making about money are unique to you and your situation.

Do what works for you

 I use this example all the time: precut watermelon. I bought precut watermelon the other day. I am not at a point in my life where I'm going to take time to cut a watermelon, and I bought precut. And you know what, it costs a lot more. That little package costs the same amount as a big watermelon. I don't care. My kids ate it and it was gone by that afternoon. Yes, I could have taken the time to cut a watermelon and I would have a lot more. And it probably would have started to turn in our refrigerator. Nobody would have eaten the watermelon because we didn't have time to eat it before it started to go bad.

 I use the example of precut watermelon, bagged salads, rotisserie chickens, and meals that are delivered to your house. If it saves you money and keeps you from spending more at the drive-thru, do it. My family went to the drive-thru the other night and it cost $45.

 You could go buy a whole chicken for 99 cents a pound and cook it yourself. Or you can buy that rotisserie chicken for $7.99 and take it home and eat it with your bagged salad and precut watermelon. You can high-five a million angels as you walk out the store because you did a good job: you fed your family. You fed your family a decent, healthy meal. Don't feel bad about that. You are doing what you can do and what you are capable of in the moment.

When our school year ended, we had an end of the year celebration with the other families that we do school with. Our director said, "I have a signup sheet over here if you want to sign up to bring food.” Because we were having a small dinner afterward. And she said, “But if you're not in a position right now where you can bring something, it's fine. We've all been there." I wanted to give her a slow clap because we have all been there, where we cannot take on one more thing or we will lose our minds. 

Use your tools wisely  

Your budget is your most valuable tool when it comes to getting out of debt. Because you are telling your money where to go, at the beginning of the month. But your budget exists to serve you, and I think that sometimes we forget that. We become so strict and so restrictive. We get that fire lit to achieve those goals (and that's great!) but sometimes those goals aren't necessarily what we want -- it's what we think we're supposed to do. Oh, we think we're supposed to save up this much in this short amount of time because we saw someone else do it. That's not necessarily obtainable for where we are in our life.

We have to set a budget and expectations that are realistic to where we are in our life, and not realistic to someone else and what they're doing.

How to make a zero-based budget

You are a YOU expert

There are budget experts and financial experts, but you're the only YOU expert here. You're the only one who knows how you function and how your family thrives. And if that means you got to take a step back for a minute and maybe slow things down, or it means that you're paying for some things that another person might think of as a waste of money, cool, fine, great, whatever. You are a YOU expert. So you do you and you do it proud.