Sometimes you have to stop and smell the gardenias

The past few days have been less than easy. As evidenced by the cookie dough incident. 

I was stomping down the stairs to the laundry room, my heart and laundry basket heavy. It was hot, I was tired, the baby didn't want to nap, I was frustrated with the 1,000 other things that had gone wrong (stolen debit card, our dog ran away). I did not want to carry my laundry to the garage.

"Why can't the laundry room be in the house?" I huffed. "A man designed this because men don't hold screaming babies while they do the laundry." 

Then I caught a whiff of something. Something that make something in the back of my memory stand up. The scent of gardenias. 

They are my favorite flower. 

Our first home had a gardenia bush planted in the front yard, it was given to me by my daddy. When we sold the house the bush stayed and it made me a little sad. 

But here in our rental, tucked in the corner of the yard, was a long-neglected gardenia bush that was nearly overwhelmed by another vine. 

It was in full bloom and it smelled amazing. 

I put down the laundry and walked over to the gardenias. 

How many blessings have we all forgotten we have tucked away because life has gotten too stressful? 

Judgey McJudgerson strikes again

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I am in constant danger of falling off my high horse. I am not a snob, no way, she who shops at the Dollar General can't be a snob. I am something worse- judgmental.

This is something I have always struggled with, and to be honest it has gotten worse. Nothing brings out the Mrs. McJudgerson like motherhood, right? *Sighs in shame.

Recently a friend posted to Facebook a challenge to encourage someone instead of judge. 

It struck me. I have always considered myself an encourager, but is it authentic encouragement when I am silently judging someone for their mistakes and shortcomings? What does that make me? A big, fat hypocrite!

When I told my friend that a judgmental attitude was something I was struggling with she pointed out to me that sitting in judgement is not "a job we can master because we weren't created to do it." She pointed out that we were created by God to love and encourage one another and she challenged me to see God in everyone.  "It's much easier to love our brothers and sisters when we see our Father in their eyes and hearts," she said. 

We are told time and time again by our Father not to judge.

Luke 6:37 says: “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven."

Again in Matthew 7 it is repeated "For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." (Matthew 7: 1-5)

I end by asking this, what is judgement? For me it is my way of having others validate my life choices. "This is the right way to do it, don't you agree?" But if I need others to validate my life choices am I living authentically?

Worth the Read: 31 Days to a Better Budget

Money Saving Mom is one of my favorite web sites. She is funny and practical and offers some great advice. One of the best things she has written is 31 Days to a Better Budget. I highly recommend it. It will only take you about 30 minutes to read through the entire series and she offers great advice like, plan your meals in advance and don't be brand loyal.

While I do disagree with her on the concept of buying the newspaper (come on, a girl's gotta eat!) it is still a great series.

How did we end up here?

Today I write this as my husband sings to our baby in the kitchen while flipping pancakes. He is making up words to Wagner- think "Bugs Bunny Super Star" - Kill The Wabbit - only he is singing "you are a cutie, you are a cutie, you are a baby. (Would we know anything of opera if it weren't for that rabbit?)

Easter and a few reminders of God's grace

When I was a little girl we used to sing this song in children's church called "God's Still Working on Me."

There is a line that says "It took him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars. Loving and patient he must be, because God's still working on me."

Only I heard, "on vacation he must be, because God's still working on me." I must have, as a seven-year-old, thought I was such a piece of work that I even God needed a break from me. Well guess what? God is still working on me.

I pray for my son everyday. I prayed for him before he was born. I prayed for him before he was conceived. I pray constantly that he will be protected. That he will be safe. And I pray that he will one day have his own relationship with Jesus.

That last prayer has led me back to praying for myself. That I, as his mother, would be a good example. You see, I have a little problem with my mouth.

As my mother used to say, it overloads my rear end. I am quick tempered, quick to anger, quick to judgement and slow to love people I don't know (and a few I do). I am also quick to let words fly out. Words I don't mean and words I shouldn't use. Some of them of the four-lettered nature.

I have been telling him the Easter story. He may only be a few months old, but it is never too early to teach him of God's grace, mercy and forgiveness.

Those are three things I have lacked in my own life. And I am praying that God will clean out that rubble in my spirit, give me compassion and forgiveness.

I have also been praying that Jesus would take control over the words I speak. This is hard for me. Very hard for me. Extremely hard for me.

I have been hurtful. I have used my words as a weapon. Can I teach my son of God's ultimate grace and in the same breath make a snarky comment to my husband? That's a conflicting message, don't you think?

So as we dress for Easter this morning and I thank God for sending His son to die for my sins, I will also be asking him to help me be an example of His grace in my own home.

5 Things I've learned about motherhood so far...

My little boy will be 5 months old soon. Since we are all about the 5's around here I thought I would take this as an opportunity to talk about 5 things I have learned about motherhood so far.

No matter how many books you read, people you talk to, advice you get, practice you've had babysitting nothing and I mean nothing will prepare you for taking a baby home from the hospital.

It will come as a shock to you when they wheal you out to the car and say goodbye. They won't let you take a nurse home with you. So this is what my husband, Beardface UnStoppable, and I have learned.

1. Sleeping

Newborns don't need the quiet to sleep. In fact, they will zonk out anywhere.

At a moments notice. (We did not leave him there.)

As they get older it's a different story.

But when they do sleep through the night the first time. It is like magic befalls your home. You can think clearly, you might get a shower. You can string together a coherent sentence. Magic!

2. Poop, spit up and other bodily fluids.

Babies, while cute and cuddly can often be gross. When the UPS man tells you you have spit up in your hair- gross. When you have to rinse out a onsie because poop came up and out the sides of the diaper- gross. When they poop on a hotel room wall in Greenville, Alabama- gross. 

A baby will pass gas in church and it will be so bad the lady in front if you will turn to look. For a good laugh, blame it on your husband.

But hilarious. Even if those first few months teach you nothing else other than to relax and go with the poop, you're still good.

3. Emotions. 

 

Photo by Candi Barnwell

Babies have a lot of feelings. They are kind of like drunk college girls. They go from smiling, to crying, to passed out in a matter of seconds. Refer to images below for example.

Photo by Candi Barnwell

Photo by Candi Barnwell

4. Behold the power of routine.

Babies, even little babies, appreciate a routine. Don't we all. And in my case you dare not throw him off. My baby was a good napper... for 2 weeks. He was taking a 90 minute nap two times a day like clock work. Then went out of town.

That was two months ago. This (photo above) is the face I get 45 minutes into an attempt to nap. Pray for me, won't you?

5. Not matter how tired, exhausted, frustrated, upset, much pain you feel you will be able to take care of your baby.

I am struggling through some pain from a wreck I was in when I was pregnant. (Long story, not talking about it right now.) Last week I was in so much pain I feared I couldn't pick my baby up out of his crib. But I did and we were ok. It hurt, yes. But I "mommed up" and did it.

I had a good example. My Mama is still Momming up.

Bottom line. You can do it. It's great. It's fun. It's draining and exhausting. I get tired and frustrated. But every morning when I get my son up to start the day he smiles at me and I see the face of nearly everyone I have ever loved in that crib. That's the biggest blessing.